Why can’t I change this myself?

Is the change you want in your life always feeling that little bit too far out of your grasp? Or every time you try and change it, something happens and you’re back to square one?

How frustrating!!!

Why haven’t I been able to change this by myself?

Who says you can’t?

This is a question a few clients have asked me. Its also one had a lot while I was experiencing my own journey.

We often are only aware of our conscious mind and so we struggle to find  the reasons why we can’t change. We wake up in the morning, decide to make a big change, things are going “OK” and then an event happens or we have a bad day and end up back to old unhealthy patterns or we start new coping strategies which may be either avoidance or short term fixes.

These patterns are often maintained by barriers or objections which are reasons why our subconscious mind can’t make a change even though we know it’s a good idea.  Until we can acknowledge what these objections are  the cycle of change remains incomplete.

For example:

“I’m not eating crap anymore”,“I’m never smoking again!” or “I’m not going to be anxious anymore” .

We have two types of thinking- conscious and subconscious. Conscious is rational and more “adult like”, Subconscious is more imaginative and child-like. The subconscious is where we hold our beliefs and what we know to be true. Whether rational or irrational. old-new-life-future-past-goals-success-decision-change-71097199

This process only happens at a conscious level, while our subconscious is pretty much thinking “sure, lets see how this happens, how will you get around these barriers that have been keeping us safe and happy up until now”.

The conscious decision will suffer as the subconscious mind starts to complain and justify returning to the behaviour as it wants to be pacified. This is where new coping strategies are formed such as avoidance tactics e.g “this is how you need to feel” or “you like to feel this way” or “this behaviour makes you feel safe”.

Therefore, in order to feel more comfortable and back in “control” you will likely return to the negative behaviour again just with a whole new set of reasons why. Despite still wanted to quit.

These barriers and objections are always based around safety and so we need to be supportive and provide insight into how we will be without these safety strategies.

The best strategy is always to look for happiness. This is because happiness encompasses confidence, safety, positive strategies and all the important things to be the best version of ourselves. If we just looked for safety, we could still end up being a bit miserable about it!

To find these objections we need a direct method of communicating with your subconscious. This is what holds all of your true beliefs and your map of reality. Until changes are made at this level that the cycle of change will remain incomplete.

You might already be aware of  your objections but don’t know where to go from here?

Only you can change your mind, but I can help you understand and facilitate that change with you.

Let me show you how this works and start the new year as you mean to continue!

Contact me with any questions!




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