At the weekend I visited a friend and couldn’t get over her ‘Break up weight’. What is this? In my eyes it’s seen as the shocking amount of weight someone loses after leaving a partner, leaving a job, losing someone or a big change has occurred in their life. This isn’t always just physical weight I might add!
Most start standing taller, breathing deeper, seeing clearer.
In this blog I will be using this term in the example of the end of a relationship.
Is this because we commonly believe we can’t focus on how we want to be-size, shape, weight we want to be while in a relationship? Or do we some how gain weight or notice a change in it once we are out of it. What if this is it? You’ve found the person you want to be with. Do you just go with it and see what happens? Hope for the best?
Yes we go out for meals and for some reason we are conditioned to show our love by making 3 course wholesome dinners. (I am the worst for this- my friends and partner will always be handed a plate fuller than most all you can eat buffets!)
So are we losing ourselves in finding another person to share our lives with?
Or is it that whenever we are surrounded by people we care about we lose all sense of control of:
•who we want to be?
•how we want to be?
•are we just putting their needs or happiness first?
•are we not as deserving?
Or is it the opposite that when we are single we neglect ourselves and providing for ‘just me’ is hard.
‘Just me’ those fateful words. I can feel myself cringing already.
But all we ever have to depend on is ‘just me’
The one and only person we are in control of is ‘just me’.
So let’s make just me more powerful. A stronger force to be reckoned with.
N.B you do not have to break up with someone to do this.
(*disclaimer- I am not telling anyone to ditch their partner. This is about your relationship with you. )
You are your loudest cheerleader, critic, judge, defendant and prosecutor. (Sounds exhausting!)
So what about the emotional weight we lose?
How heavy was all that overthinking? That worrying?
How light do you feel now?
All the ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup..’ and flight safety manuals telling you to ‘fit your mask before you help others’ show this to be true.
So relationship or no relationship. We need to refuel and rebuild our loss of burdens or energy.
Are there changes you aren’t making for you?
We need to bring ourselves forward from the back of the queue.
Selfcare is so underrated. Even these days when it’s a hashtag!
Consistent self care starting with the smallest change is key to starting a new pattern. Creating space whether that’s alone time, being single or just time in your own head.
Make time and space for you.